There is nothing in my life that stresses me out so much as money. There’s just so much that gets me about everything. First of all, if the money isn’t there right now, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. Yes, I can go out, work hard, etc., but that doesn’t make money appear in my hand at the end of the day.
I also have a lack of firm control of myself in this area. If I sit down and really study out the whole picture, I can be good. But if I just have a vague idea of how much is coming in and going out, I invariably find myself with less than I thought. When you’ve got things that require getting ahead of your paychecks to deal with, “less” is not a good idea.
I’ve been in a mild panic for the last… well, it’s been awhile. Anyway, things are starting to pick back up again, so I’ve been a little looser with my spending. Foolishly, I hadn’t yet sat down and really figured out where everything was going, so I’ve spent more than I should have. This is embarrassing at best, and very disappointing, and potentially damning to BF. No details here, sorry.
He called me the other night, with a reminder that sets things a bit on its ear. And he wanted to know how things are money-wise. He’s very good to me. He’s trusting me with handling everything, and he’s not hovering or asking questions. Thus far I haven’t lived up to his trust. I haven’t sunk us, but we’re worse off than we could have been. Better off than we’ve been over the last few months, but that loss of potential is very sad, and totally my fault. I knew this in the back of my mind, and this triggered my usual stress response. Run away.
Running away from financial difficulties is a far cry from the best option. I don’t think it can possibly do anything but make everything much, much worse. So tonight I faced that fear. I’ve got our financial set-up mapped out in a pretty detailed way for the next several weeks, and it’s in an extensible system that lets me add input and output on the fly. I think I’ve finally got the big picture. I’m still working on getting it all documented, but now I know where it all is, where it’s all coming from, where it’s all going, and I think we’ll be okay. It’s going to be tight, and I DEFINITELY need a better paying job, but we’ll be okay.
money awareness is the first step to financial freedom. Once you know it you controll it.
That’s tough stuff. I hope that it work out good for you.
By the way: http://www.daveramsey.com/etc/cms/new_to_dave_2926.htmlc?ictid=new_to_dave
Adam and I are finally on the same page, and it’s his page. Might help.