Love Suddenly

I’m still here, I’ve just had a lot going on, and not a lot of motivation to write here lately. I know I should, cause I know several friends who keep up with my life based on what I write here. By way of updates, I haven’t run since the last time I wrote, cause I’ve either been tired, or the weather’s been crappy. I’m running follow-spot for a show at the Grand Theatre; we’re doing Big River. I’ve got an interview today, so wish me luck.

Ran about 5/8ths of a mile today. Felt good going through the long side. Heading into the curve to the short side, and nice older man said I was looking good, and wished me a good day. I love friendly people. Almost through the short side I had to listen to my body, and stop. My shoes are old and not really built for running, and my left leg was getting a twinge up around the knee. Breathing felt great though. Not running out of breath, and being able to feel my LEGS work instead of my lungs is awesome.

The weather was that damp sort of cool that I love. It wasn’t cold, and there was no breeze to make it feel cold. Until I headed for home, it wasn’t raining either. It was just very pleasant. Several groups of kids at the park from some place in Jordan district. I can’t wait to have kids. Well… yes I can, but I’m looking forward to it.

As of yesterday, my running record was a half mile. I’d done it twice, and each time left me breathless and floppy.

Today I figured I’d push it. I hadn’t run in two days, so my body was pretty rested. So as I started, taking a nice easy pace, I decided I’d shoot for three quarters. Breathing was great, form felt pretty good most of the time. It was easy enough I could watch the world go by as I was running. Coming around the corner to the half mile I had to pass a family. I always feel awkward passing people. My easy pace sets me going just barely faster than somefast walkers out there. I feel like I ought to speed up and breeze by them, but that takes all the wind out of me. So I was a little discouraged going into that third quarter, but I was determined.

Passed an older guy jogging just as I cleared the marker, and I still felt great so I figured why not, and I decided to push for a mile. By this time, I’m really in a good spot. I had to focus on relaxing my legs, but my breathing was great. I was breathing hard, but it was steady, and still loose enough I could breathe in through my nose every so often. When I get really winded, I can only breathe through my mouth.

I did it. I cleared a mile. For the first time possibly ever, I ran one solid mile without stopping to walk at all. I have no idea how long it took. I was going real slow. Channeling Zippy the Wonder Snail, totally.

It gets better. At a mile, I still felt great. Wasn’t running out of breath, and I finally felt like my legs were actually getting a workout. So I kept going. For those who don’t know, the concrete ring around the park is just under a mile and a half. You have to go about fifty feet past wherever you started to get that mile and a half in.

And today, I ran a mile and a half. Two days ago my record was a half mile. Today, I doubled that record! When I slowed to a walk (not much slower believe me) it was the strangest feeling. My breathing was tight, and I needed water, but my legs felt like they were lifting themselves. It was similar to the feeling I get when I’ve been walking on a treadmill for a while. Sort of floaty. I was a little lightheaded, so I took it nice and easy coming home. Tossing in the walk to and from the park, I did just over three miles total, and half of that was my run. I know I’ll have to take it easy tomorrow, probably just walk. But I did it.

Ki, I finally understand. It’s euphoric. Thanks for getting me started.

Too many thoughts, not enough time. “I splain. No, no, is too much, I sum up.” I have the greatest family of friends the world has ever known. I have never had flowers mean more to me than the handful I was given all wrapped up in a bow tonight. The hugs, the sympathy, the unequivocal reinforcement of my worth to myself and to them was exactly what I needed. I love you all, more than you’ll ever know.

You can’t ever go back. You can only go forward. Focusing on what you had, what you lost, how things were only does you a disservice. Just as being caught up in the future leads to missing the present, being stuck in the past denies present and future.

In case any of you are worried about me (understandable based upon my last post, and a few personal conversations), I want to let you all know I’m doing much better. I have a problem with keeping things in perspective. I want the world to work my way and I pout when it doesn’t happen.

I am grateful to my friends who are willing to take the time out of their lives to listen, sympathize, advise, and otherwise just be there for me. You know who you are.

Do not blog when depressed.

1. 10 years ago: I was 13. Finishing up 8th grade. I got a perfect attendance award. I tore the ligaments in my right ankle jumping down some stairs. I kicked my arch-enemy with it. Hard. That still lists in the top 10 days of my life. I got the cast off the day before going to Raging Waters for a field trip. I went to girl’s camp and Brighton during the summer. I thought I was cool by using the first letter in place of various swear words. Telling someone they were an effing ‘a’ was the worst I could come up with.

2. 5 things on my to-do list today: Complete this meme. Relax. Work on my quilt block. Start using three of the six pounds of ground beef I foolishly didn’t separate before freezing. Write our rent check. (Yay!)

3. Snacks I enjoy: Doritos. Nacho and Ranch. Trail mix with MnM’s and raisins. Potato chips with onion dip. Laffy Taffys. Ice cream.

4. What I would do if I were suddenly made a billionaire: Get BF square with the law. Pay off my student loan and the other lady. Pay back my roommate. Get BF’s Mazda all fixed up. Get me my Saturn Sky. Buy a house. Invest. Very probably in that order.

5. 5 places I have lived: Salt Lake, Cedar City, Steiner. I don’t have five.

6. 5 jobs that I have had: Theatre everything. Store clerk. Rifle Director. Climbing teacher. Massage therapist.

7. 5 Things people don’t know about me: This is possibly the roughest time I’ve ever had answering this question. I got the rest of this post done days ago, but what to write here has been weighing on my mind. One: I interpret this question as “Five things you don’t know, but will find wildly entertaining.” Thus my difficulties. Two: I ate an apple-pear for breakfast this morning, and it was delicious. Three: I wish I had a sarcastic mental commentary running in my head. Four: I really, really, really want to ride in the bike tour for the marathon, but I don’t believe I would make it. I have no actual proof or reason to believe that, just inner negativity. I use my lack of funding as an excuse. Five: I want to go hiking like it’s nobody’s business.

Tag! At this point, pretty much everyone I know personally has done this meme. So I’m tagging whoever reads this. If you’ve done this already, feel free to ignore me. If you haven’t, please give it a go, and leave me a link to your post in my comments. Thanks!

There are several things I’ve been meaning/promising to post here, so I’m going to run through and do it all at once. Be ye prepared?

Hair

Before and after pictures of my new hair cut. Oddly enough, I got several compliments on my hair just before I cut it. I like the cut, but the woman who did it styled it in the HUGEST beehive lookin’ thing, and I was more than thrilled to get home and restyle it myself.

Quilt

I started playing a game called Patchworkz, and got totally hooked on the idea of trying some quilting. My wonderful friend Ki was gracious enough to give me the leftovers from her own attempt. Here are some pictures of what I’ve done so far. I’ll post another pic of the finished block when I’m done. I’m hand sewing the thing, which I’ve never done before, so we’ll see how long it lasts.

Wow. Staring down the barrel of this post, there is way too much in my head clamoring for OUT! Seriously, the number of things that want to be said is giving me a huge case of writer’s block. Partly because I’m trying to implement a filter on what personal details actually make it to this page. While the general atmosphere of the internet may go so far as to encourage spilling all your juicy details so some SAHM in Tulsa can feel better about her life, I’m going to go against the grain.

Bringing me to one of the subjects clamoring in my head. The word “discretion” is not particularly common in our vocabulary any more. It’s most common usage refers to someone’s power to make choices. Judges have the discretion to choose in either party’s favor. A religious leader has discretion in guiding the lives of his or her followers. But its more basic usage, as found in the saying “Discretion is the better part of Valor,” refers to a conscious control of personal details. I believe it is an admirable trait, and one that would serve our society, if we all practiced it just a little more.

So in the interest of discretion, I won’t go into details about my financial situation. It really isn’t the business of the internet. While most who read this blog are personal friends (who are always welcome to ask if you’re curious), it is public, and open to the viewing of any Joe Schmo who wanders on by. Joe (or Jane) Schmos are always welcome to ask as well, just know that it isn’t as likely you’ll get an answer.

Just know that my finances are stressing me out right now. The influx of funds is not yet balanced with my output. Debts, and past… heh, indiscretions are rapidly catching up. You can only duck these things for so long.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that having some money while in debt is much more stressful that having none. If you’ve got all the money you need to pay it off, you haven’t got debt any longer, thus no stress. If you have no money, you’re still stressed by the debts, but you can’t pay any of them. If you have some money, but not enough, you then have to prioritize. You can’t pay everyone, but no one wants to be the guy left out. Some choices aren’t easy to make either. Pay rent or eat? Have a working car or the license to drive it? Taxes or cat food?

Being an adult is hard. If you believe in God, pray for me. If you don’t, send good thoughts my way. Both of you could always just send money… ;D